Where's My Damn Paper

Yeah, you are saying, he's just an RTD rat, but you'd be wrong. I was an MG rat. We didn't run newspapers, we just ran them into the ground. You may hate the RTD, but guess what? Nobody cares. I wasn't remotely important enough to have any inside knowledge, but like most people, tried to do the best I could at whatever I was told to. Thankfully that wasn't good enough and now I can say what the I like. I'm not bitter, I just don't care.

That was then and this is now. Now, as then, I am a news consumer. A daily newspaper is vital to my life. Is it worth $20 a month to me? Maybe. What are the alternatives?

• Style Weekly? I wouldn't rely on Style for news. I love Style, but it is not a daily paper and shouldn't try to be. It's an alt weekly and it knows it. I read it for fun and a different point of view, but not for daily news.
  
• Local TV News? If Mark Holmberg did the entire broadcast I would watch it, but he doesn't. I would also have to tune it at five and eleven and endure all the happy talk while they scan the world for disaster. I'd rather take a bullet.
  
• Cable TV? Cable is going away. I'll miss is Guy Fiere, Giada De Laurentiis, Rachel Ray (yes Rachel) and Andrew Zimmern, but that's about it.
  
• The Internet? Forget it. I already spend ten hours a day reading, writing, clicking, scrolling, uploading, downloading and swearing. Now you expect me to click around the rest of my waking hours till carpal tunnel sets in and my eyeballs fall out? Sometimes it is necessary to get out into the real world, talk to real people and do real things.

Which leaves the newspaper, which I will keep. I read newspapers because it pleases me. They are an old school link with the past. You can touch them, fold them and read them when you want to. When you are done, there are a lot of other things you can do with your newspaper. If you want more meat with your potatoes, pick up a Sunday New York Times. That will keep you busy for awhile.